Scientists kept asking if they could, but they never stopped to ask if they should. This flavor, inspired by, yes, hot Cheetos, is either the apex or the nadir of our society. I like my sodas cold, my Cheetos flaming hot, and my sodas not to taste like my Cheetos. Mtn Dew Flaming Hot (spicy citrus) – I’m an old-fashioned gal. As my husband put it, “It’s like someone made the diet in Diet Coke into a drink.” I eventually found the regular variant of Spark, which tasted like a wet pixie stick. But that’s how I ended up with this zero sugar flavor which tasted like aspartame and literally nothing else. At this point, my body had become a carnival ride, so it seems weird that I would care. Spark Zero Sugar and regular Spark (raspberry lemonade) – There was only one bottle left of regular Mtn Dew Spark at the Circle K in Melbourne, Florida, and it was covered with an unidentifiable dark substance. The mascot is a watermelon that does war crimes. It tasted like liquified watermelon Bubble Yum. Major Melon (watermelon) – In the swirling abyss of garbage drinks, we found rock bottom.
#MT DEW FLAVORS 2022 CODE#
Husband said it had a “cola-like complexity.” I threated to make him drink more Code Red. This was … not that bad? Had I actually rotted out my brain? It tasted a little like a purple Skittle, which I’ve been told is actually the exact same flavor as every other Skittle. Purple Thunder (berry plum) – Circle K exclusive. It contains no juice and I’m pretty sure the label is racist. Instead of pineapple soda we got pineapples with eyeballs that feed on children’s nightmares. You know how, sometimes, those AI image generators create a Hieronymous Bosch visual of horrors based on a few innocuous prompts? That’s what Maui Burst taste likes. Maui Burst (pineapple) – Dollar General Exclusive. Also, “Mtn” isn’t even how you abbreviate the word “mountain.” It is an egalitarian system of suckiness, wherein even the best variant of Mtn Dew is still just Mtn Dew. They are almost all equally bad, and half of them are the same drink. I have listed the flavors in no particular order because there is no ranking system here. The focus groups for these products consisted of a cardboard cut out of Randy “Macho-Man” Savage and a beer koozie that says “Don’t Blame Me, I Voted For Titties”. What followed was a journey deep into beverage purgatory, a strange sort of limbo where things taste like nothing but sugar, occasionally like bubble gum, and invariably like defeat. My husband takes a sip and realizes: he has never tried Mtn Dew. I try to understand what would propel someone to buy a stale, questionably-stored bottle of Mtn Dew from eBay. Other fans weigh in, inquiring where to purchase rarer bottles. Meticulously arranged, some have been custom made, because the beverages in question are only available in fountain drinks. I stare at a picture taken in someone’s wood paneled basement, in a subreddit specifically for Mtn Dew enthusiasts (because the internet, for all its faults, has guaranteed us this: no matter how esoteric our passions, we need never feel alone). Fans of the drink post photos of their collections online, bottles and cans in a Lisa Frank array of hues. Mtn Dew has a following so devoted it makes Catholicism seem like a casual hobby. What I’m saying is that this project has ruined me. If someone can name more than three flavors of Mtn Dew off the top of their head, they probably aren’t fit to live in society. You are probably saying to yourself, “I did not know so many flavors of Mtn Dew existed.” That is a reasonable response. What is going on with the fish? Is that a fish?Īnd so, I hunted down 21 flavors of Mountain Dew, or Mtn Dew, as it was recently and unnecessarily rebranded. I can only assume Kavanaugh is somewhat responsible. I’m not normally compelled to drink Mountain Dew Overdrive, which professes to have “a bold, charged citrus punch” flavor, and has a bear that looks like it’s an anti-vaxxer on the label.
Wade? No, of course not.īut like, those fuckers didn’t help. Am I actually blaming my Mountain Dew escapades on the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Sometimes, you need to be reminded that your body is still yours, and that you can do with it what you want, no matter what anyone else says. I’ve tried to find the logic in my actions, and as best I can tell, it’s this: sometimes, the world becomes a dark place, and you desperately need a distraction from all of it.
#MT DEW FLAVORS 2022 MOVIE#
Why am I voluntarily drinking a beverage whose ad campaigns seem to vaguely suggest sexual violence? Why am I forcing my kidneys to undergo the aging technique used in that Benjamin Button movie to make Brad Pitt look like a testicle? Why am I doing this twenty-one times? Posted in: Food, Life at Home, Nothing to Do With Travel, Random MusingsĮxplaining why I embarked on a quest to consume as many different flavors of Mountain Dew as possible is not an easy task.
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